1. |
Prepare to Apologize
00:52
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2. |
Indivisible
03:30
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One body, many souls
Indivisible, so I'm told
Half man, half Steppenwolf
Indivisible, so I'm told
And if you feel nothing is real
Look for the reflection of the moon
On some water far below
One body, many souls
Indivisible, so I'm told
Half man, half Steppenwolf
Indivisible, so I'm told
And when you know nothing's for sure
Look for unfamiliar constellations
On the ceiling of your mind
Some words are better left unsaid
You keep your crimes inside your head
I'm the projector, I am the screen
I will deliver you a dream
So just let go of all your thoughts
And please turn all resistance off
I'll be your space and I'll be your time
We'll turn all your thoughts to crimes
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3. |
Trauma Cat
03:36
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Trauma cat!
Drama queen!
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4. |
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I had a pretty good relationship with Joshua
But when he stopped being a good listener, I called it off
My family never quite forgave me
My friends, they never quite forgave me
After the breakup, I was drinking whiskey heavily
And going home with every pretty girl who'd look at me
There's a time for misbehaving
But I was swimming far beyond the point of saving
It came over me like a wave
Don't save me
When finally I could emerge from my depraved pit
My vision of the world had shed a layer of bullshit
Thoughts resembled cars in traffic
Problems suddenly seemed slapstick
And though my time with Joshua is ancient history
There are moments when his pearls of wisdom come to me
My regrets are few and far between
And though you'd think this might be one, I know the break was clean
It came over me like a wave
Don't save me
What could I do?
I knew I was in love with a ghost
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5. |
The Jellyfish
04:36
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Boston Aquarium, 2008
I was with my Uncle Len and my Aunt Marcy
My cousins Bo and Jake and Little Nancy
We were there to see the sharks and the manta rays
And the ornamental seaweed
Yes, that was all fine and good
You could call it "an excusable American afternoon"
But the day didn't start until we found ourselves at the centerfold
A large tank that stood at the heart of the facility
We sat ourselves on the vacant bench in front of it
And what began as a quotidian bout of small talk and scalp itching
Quickly sublimated into a series of full-body pangs so intensely arousing
That just recounting this story now makes me forget I'm a man at all
Anyway
I remember looking up, and there it was
That gleaming bronze placard that so elegantly read
"Jellyfish"
A curious word, at once one word and two
"A compound," Nancy whispered, wise beyond her two years of age
Then, a playful nudge from Uncle Len
"Jellyfish," he chuckled. "You think there's such a thing as a peanut butter fish?"
Aunt Marcy chimed in, "Do you think other cultures call them 'jamfish?'"
And then Nancy said, "No, Mom, no, Dad, everyone calls them 'jellyfish'"
And it's funny: I had never heard of a jellyfish before in my life
I was maybe, what, 11? 16?
I knew nothing about animals or basic science
But I tell you, I was transfixed
And when I narrowed my gaze through the glass onto one particular specimen
I saw what could only be described as love and magic incarnate
And the way that she moved, she undulated
And the way that she glimmered
She was pinkish-purplish-bluish-yellowish-greenish-brownish-reddish in hue
She was every color in the world
By then, I was standing on the bench
My mouth agape
Once again, Uncle Len turned to me and this time he said
"Look how she swims. That, son, that is called dancing."
And I had—I had never—that was a new word, too
"Dance"
Well, I couldn't stop staring
Maybe legally it was ogling
I stayed looking at her for the rest of our visit
Even as we trudged out the exhibit through the exit gates and back home
The jellyfish never left me
Even after I'd left her
So I made a vow
In 10 years' time, I'd go to college, get a degree
Find myself a big boy job
Then pack up my bindle and hop a train car back to Boston
To regale this creature with my credentials and claim her as my wife
So that's what I did
And when I reached the aquarium, I met the man at the front desk
And I said to him, "Take me to the jellyfish"
And he said, in between chews of his gum
Between blows of his bubble
He said with a slack jaw, "Oh, sorry. We don't have those anymore."
I said, "What? How could you not have any?"
"Well, they all died, and we haven't gotten another shipment yet, I don't know."
I had no choice but to sling up my bindle and hop that train car back home
Once there, I collapsed onto Uncle Len and Aunt Marcy's bed
And when they awoke, they asked me what was wrong, but I told them "Nothing"
And to go back to sleep
In truth, so much was wrong
I had made a decade-long commitment to celibacy for this organism and now I couldn't see her again
But that's when I looked up to the ceiling
To the glow-in-the-dark stars Len had glued there just weeks before
And I thought, no, I knew
She couldn't be dead
She was boneless
Brainless
And I could almost see right through her
She was the perfect mate, and nothing perfect ever dies
You know, then
As the flaccid light from those pale plastic stars lulled me into my own quaint slumber
I felt armed with the confidence to answer the next day's, the next year's, the next lifetime's questions
Which were
"Do jellyfish go to Heaven?"
Followed closely by
"Is there a Heaven?"
Well, I don't quite know
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6. |
CMND/CTRL
02:27
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Give your mind to me
Give your mind to me
Give your mind to me
Every day just drags on
Every day, the same song
If your life's to be like this
Surely life is too long
Here's a novel concept
Just a small idea, son
Lay your heavy burden at my feet and
Give your mind to me
Give your mind to me
Give your mind to me
I'll replace the sunshine when there is a ceiling
I'll replace your passion with complacent feelings
Open up your coffers, I'll fill them with fool's gold
Don't disturb my mandate to command and control
Some words are better left unsaid
You keep your crimes inside your head
I'm the projector, I am the screen
I will deliver you a dream
So just let go of all your thoughts
And please turn all resistance off
I'll be your space and I'll be your time
We'll turn all your thoughts to crimes
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7. |
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8. |
Lob a Grenade
03:51
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Gonna lob a grenade your way
'Cause when I drop bombs I don't like to look you in the face
And that's the game that we always play
So, baby, don't complain about the meal that you find on your plate
You've got your convictions
And I've got my opinions
You've got your religion
And I've got my cynicism
Gonna lob a grenade your way
'Cause when I drop bombs I don't like to look you in the face
And that's the game that we always play
So, baby, don't complain about the meal that you find on your plate
You've got your news sources
And I've got my thesaurus
And we rage like Tyrannosaurus
And we spook like deer in the forest
Gonna lob a grenade your way
'Cause when I drop bombs I don't like to look you in the face
And that's the game that we always play
So, baby, don't complain about the meal that you find on your plate
About the meal that you find on your plate
About the meal that you find on your plate
About the meal that you find on your plate
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9. |
Gray Ledge
06:08
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Sitting in the car while it rains
I am drinking from a lava lamp
Dreaming of murdering your friends
With the calm of a—
Boogeyman’s got his things in boxes on the porch
He’s found another client and he’s headed up north
You go where the work goes
They turned our favorite lot into a diner
We always thought the location was ideal
I lay my head down on the wheel
All while
Good and evil have makeup sex in the hall
Without you I’m a little less angry
But I won’t forget it, no
I don’t forget anything
I’ve got an excellent memory
Good and evil have makeup sex in the hall
Without you I’m a little less angry
But you don’t regret it, no
You don’t regret anything
You don’t
Gray Ledge has really earned its name
And well, I walk it like a vagabond
Until it becomes another place
That I don’t care about
Moving in, got my things in boxes on the porch
I’ll try to close the circle if you cut me off short
This is the triumph of the real
Meanwhile
Good and evil have makeup sex in the hall
Without you I’m a little less angry
But I won’t forget it, no
I don’t forget anything
I’ve got an excellent memory
Sounds primeval but they’re writhing up on the wall
The infinite and infinitesimal
And I might forget it, but
I don’t regret anything
I don’t
Nothing is static now
Grief is a staircase
There is no zero
Evil comes first
Nothing is static now
Grief is a staircase
There is no zero
Evil comes first
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10. |
It Speaks
03:17
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11. |
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So we play a little game now
Never wonder where the rules came from
And we throw our little dice down
But the dealer's already won
They've been telling me to get with the program
Since I was a child
They scream and they shout
I just can't believe these people content to live like sheep
Following the crowd
They say, "Gotta play the game to win it"
But I'd rather just walk away
They say, "Gotta play the game to win it"
But I'd rather just walk away
They've been telling me to get with the program
Since I was a child
They scream and they shout
I just can't believe these people content to live like sheep
Following the crowd
I'mma set a fire deep inside the jail
Never mind the bail
This is an escape
I'mma set a fire, burn this prison down
Burn it to the ground
Today
And I don't care if everyone believes it
Don't make it true
Don't make it true
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12. |
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Honey, your heart is a hurricane
Nothing but chaos and wind and rain
From the outside looking in
Honey, your soul is a cellar door
Secret and safe as the ocean floor
If you'd just go deeper in
Got a piece of advice if you want it
Don't listen anything Babylon says
Stay focused, little one, because you're wanted
By the undead
The world you're running through is a gauntlet
The house you're living in is haunted
So pick your head up and be honest with yourself
With yourself
Standing by a pool that was made by a dam
You gaze into your reflection and ask,
"How in the Western world could I ever know who I am?"
Honey, your heart is a hurricane
Nothing but chaos and wind and rain
From the outside looking in
Honey, your soul is a cellar door
Secret and safe as the ocean floor
If you'd just go deeper in
There's a time and a place for theatrics
And I'm not talking about rabbit-in-the-hat tricks
Free your mind before they come to extract it
From your head
The world you're running through is a gauntlet
The house you're living in is haunted
So pick your head up and be honest with yourself
With yourself
Standing by a pool that was made by a dam
You gaze into your reflection and ask,
"How in the Western world could I ever know who I am?"
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13. |
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Some summer somewhere
A flock of schoolkids forms around a flagpole in prayer
Thinking about their rights
Asking that their god make them a pretty prom night
That doesn't stop the wasp's assault
Swoops down onto the shoulder of some unsuspecting psalm
Singing, "I belong here, too!"
Leaves his stinger there and flies from the invisible pew
And in the courtyard out back
Custodians duck out with their cigarettes
Small talk about their trucks and their president
A healthy "I don't give a fuck" as the yellowjacket
Swoops down to meet the boot of the Janitor King
Who stands unflinching and says
"They're all freaks with wings
That's all they are
Those little things don't scare me off
I've got a sting to show you all
It's called 'living under the law"
My own summer nightmare
With June descending like a hornet on some pheromone tear
Thinking every night
Of all the times my mother told me it'll be alright
That doesn't stop July's assault
Crawls out from underneath the heel with very strange aplomb
So steady as she goes
But in my stupor, I'd have told you then that time didn't know
Outside the room where you died
They asked what you were like and I might've cried
Some sister grabbed my hand, and with beady eyes
Set her gaze upon my skull, and she proselytized
Saying, "God protects our dead" and though the thought was nice
If I saw an angel, I'd think
They're all freaks with wings
That's all they are
Such pretty things won't get you far
And yet on high, they sing, to send you off
Or so the children pray under the cloth
Amen
Amen
Amen
Amen
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14. |
Zeros and Ones
05:10
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I thought it all came to a cross
But it turned into a circle
When I started using green
With a touch of orange and purple
Like sunset over mountains
With a forest in the distance
It lowered my defenses
Dissipated my resistance
Zero's the inhale, one is the ex
Do you think we come from intelligence?
A formlessness took a nice deep breath
Then exhaled into us, now it all makes sense
Zero's the inhale, one is the ex
Do you think we come from intelligence?
Zeros and ones, yeah, zeros and ones
This universe is a pair of lungs
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15. |
Epilogue
04:42
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I thought it all came to a cross but it turned into a circle
When I started using green with a touch of orange and purple
Like sunset over rock mountains with a forest in the distance
It dissipated my resistance to truth, to flow
To what I've always known in the recess of my soul
In the darkness where I grow
And so I let go of the burden I'd been bearing
Of the mask that I'd been wearing
It was such a heavy load
To judge a thing on quality alone is a delusion
Whether right or wrong, good or evil can't ever be proven
You can point your finger, scream and shout
And stay lost in the illusion
Or sit quietly, watch your thoughts and feel the mountains moving
This meditation is a blessing and provision
To help us see beyond the falsehood of division
And so the universe bestowed on us a vision
Of a lung filled up to zero, turned to one in exhalation
So here I sit and contemplate the might of this existence
While something in me tries to qualify the world with such insistence
Some say that all is nothing, some say that all is one
Who speaks the truth? I seek the truth in everyone
Within these bodies we must seek a clearer view
If you zoom out far enough the galaxy's a molecule
And if we look within ourselves, we're given yet another clue
This expansion and contraction is a microcosm too
You are the perfect self and yet you don't know what to do
You seek a thousand goals and know not which one to pursue
But don't forget that every river found the ocean blue
I wonder on the way if every drop of water knew
Your mind's stuck in a loop and is just endlessly repeating
The fog you think you're stuck in is just something you're perceiving
The wisdom of this world I can no longer find relief in
The teachings of my wordless breath are all I can believe in
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